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If I died… would you cry?

Original story by: ¹âÊøÒ»
Edit and Translation: Xellsama

Part I

"If I died, would you cry?"
"no"
then, Itsuki raise her innocent angelic smile, "Jin, you r so cold blooded"
This was the 6th day after I met Itsuki, at my place, on my bed.

I'm cold blooded? maybe I am...

Since long ago, I wouldn't cry. Even when mother and father passed away, not a single drop of tear came out of my eye. I was only 14 back then too. A child, w/ a pair of dry and mature eyes.

Ever since then I lived alone, had all sorts of girls around me, but just like fireworks, all gone after a twinkle. When I'm bored I rent all kinds of movies to watch, almost all of them have love in it, but none of the story made me feel touched...

I know, my heart is already dead..

What's living is just a walking corpus.
----------------------------------------------------
The first time I met Itsuki was 6 days ago, in the morning, when I drove the car out of my garage.
A girl in white suddenly blocked my way, "mmm...sorry, I live next door to u. Can you drive me to the Subway station on ur way to work? I’m almost late for the shuttle..."

I looked at this girl in front of me, very young, either a student or just graduated. In a short white one-piece dress, white socks and shoes. Short hair, very neat, and a bit curly, under the sun it seemed to be light brown. Glittering eyes, a smile on her fair face. She's different from all the other girls I’ve met. maybe that's y, I nodded mechanically, allowed her to get on the car.

"thanx" she smiled dazzlingly, like sun shine, I felt I have trouble opening my eyes...

on the way, none of us talked.

I'm not a talkative person anyway, and she's just listening to her CD player, staring out the window. the car stopped by a cross road, red light.

then she said suddenly, " can I play this CD?"

I watched her taking out the CD in surprise, puttin it into the CD player on the car.

A woman's voice begins to sing, w/ a bit accent, hollow yet attracting. The first part was w/o bgm, showing her great skill.

"Utada Hikaru, one of my fav. singer" she told me.

"hm." I simply replied.

I don’t have the habit to listen to music while driving, and I don’t like ppl interrupting my habit. But I admit, this girl's voice attracted me, and so I allowed her to do w/e she wanted.

"ah..we're here"

I stopped the car, she opened the door and jumped out instantly, "thanks for today, bye bye~"

I didn’t realize the CD was still in the player until I stepped on the gas again, the girl already disappeared long ago.

I sighed, hm...I’ll return to her next time then...

To be Continued....

If I died, would you cry?

Original story by: ¹âÊøÒ»
Edit and Translation: Xellsama

Part II

When I went out the second day, she's already waiting for me by the garage, smiling embarrassingly, "I came to get my CD"

"oh, it was good, thanks."

I go to work at the sometime everyday, so I know she's going to be later for her shuttle again. Handing her the CD through the car's window, "get on, I’ll give u a ride"

This time, she didn't even ask for my permission and put a new CD into the CD player on my car. Still songs of Utada Hikaru, she seems to have this extreme passion about the singer.

The little space in the car is filled by this hollow voice, a voice that gets to ur soul deep down. She's staring out the window, singing along silently.

When she got off, still didn’t take her CD.

And so, she brings me new CD everyday, as "payment" I gave her rides to the subway station.

But we are always just having temporary, formal conversations, not even knowing each other's name.

This seemed like a fun GAME, I smiled secretly.

On the sixth day's morning, I came out as usual to work, Itsuki wasn't there waiting for me. I suddenly got this feeling of emptiness.

Have I over slept?

I thought she'll come to get her CD for sure, so I drove the car out of the garage, listening to the CD she left here yesterday, waiting.

Today's sky's clouded, the dark, thick clouds are pressuring upon us, as if the rain would be pouring down at any seconds. But instead of sunny days, I like this kind of weather more, the sun light always give me an strange awkwardness. Beside my ears, Hikaru's voice, singing "kuroi sora, anou ame wa... (The black sky, that rain...." Fits the scene perfectly.

Recently I began to like to listen to music and just daze off, of course I daze off often even before this. Maybe the new habit is because of Itsuki. Time passes like water, but I actually enjoy wasting life away.

I don't know how long I waited, until a white figure flashed in front of my eyes. Itsuki's big curious eyes looked at me through the window, and knocked on it. "are you waiting for me?" she laughed.

Taking out the CD from the player, "ya... your CD, thx." I opened the door at the same time, "get on."

"eh? to where?"

"aren't you rushing to the shuttle?"

Itsuki was suppressed for a moment, and then suddenly laughed out loud, "haha, today's Saturday, I don’t need to go to work."

"ah!! it's Saturday..." I suddenly realized it. The same old routine everyday caused me to unable to tell the difference from weekends and weekdays. Or maybe I just don’t pay much attention to these kind of changes.

"You are funny~ it's so late now, if I’m going to work today I’d be late for sure.....If I don't go out today, don’t tell me you are going to wait here for the whole day.."

"hehe~maybe..." I laughed embarrassingly.

Suddenly she looked at me with a serious face, then, "just for ur good intention, I'll show you this nice place."

"where?"

"it's a secret; you'll know when we get there." She sticks our her tongues mischievously, and got on the car.

....To be Continued....

If I died, would you cry?

Original story by: ¹âÊøÒ»
Edit and Translation: Xellsama

Part III

It's the sea.

The place Itsuki took me to is the beach.

It takes more than two hours to drive to the beach from home, it’s a very boring journey, and so I’ve almost never came here before. Good thing this time Itsuki's with me, even though on the way we barely talked, other than telling each other our names.

Itsuki, I thought this was a very special name the first time I heard it. Those firework-like girls who had been in my life also had all kinds of names, some are very special too, but most are forgotten. This Itsuki is probably like that too.

When the blue color came into my eyes for the first second, I could almost hear my heart suddenly made an big impulse. It's a kind of indescribable blue, having the power to suck in everything. That dead heart of mine, actually made a light flutter, but then disappeared instantly.

Itsuki jumped off the car like a child, jumping, yelling with joy on the beach.

I felt kind of strange, watching her being so excited. But I admit, that unfettered smile of hers, really is pretty, a beauty that doesn’t seem to exist in the mortal world.

We walked on the thin white sand, leaving a trail of footprints behind.

"Jin, you don't like the sea?" Itsuki sat down on my right side, watching me with her clear eyes.

"No, not dislike, but not like either."

"Then, what do you like?"

"...."I thought for a long time, can't think of anything I like, "I don't know."

"then...do you have someone you like?"

"No"

She smiled strangely, and then stopped looking at me, turning her head to face the sea. After a silence, suddenly said, "I really like the sea, because this is where we are closest to the God."

God? she actually believes this kind of stuff, I mocked her secretly, of course I did not say it out loud.

If there really is God, I want to ask him why he still allows me to live on this world, not even giving me the courage to suicide; if there's really God, Itsuki would really fit to be his angel though, but I should fall into hell, we are of two different world.

"wanna listen to songs?" She took out her CD player from her bag, putting one of the earphone into my ear, the other in hers.

The sea wind, the sea wave, and Hikaru's song, flowing over my body, drowning me. I can't breathe...

Eventually Itsuki fell asleep by my side; her head on my shoulder, her hair has a fragrance of perfume. The wind whisking her hair, kinda tickles when touched my face. I looked down; saw a beautiful smile on her face, although I could not understand what made her so happy...

....To be continued....

Those of you who haven't read the newly posted Part III yet can go to the previous post.....now since ppl r yellin at me I’m going to post more

If I died, would you cry?

Original story by: ¹âÊøÒ»
Edit and Translation: Xellsama

Part IV

I was with Itsuki the whole Saturday.

My cell phone kept on ringing, all unknown numbers and some familiar girl's voice. I never save these girl's number, I'm afraid there'll be too many to save. Plus even if I do save them, I still won't be able to remember them.

I answered the calls in front of Itsuki, flirting with those girls, saying sweet talks even I think are disgusting.

I want to let Itsuki know I’m a dangerous man, if she still tries to get close to me, then it's not my fault.

But, every time I hang up a phone call, always saying w/o any explanation, "sorry"

She always smiles, a smile I can never understand.

She should already know that I'm always getting involved with girls, but she...she is a strange girl.

It was after 10PM when we got back.

She lives next door. "Rabbits don’t eat the grass next to the next" I understand this old saying, I don’t want to bring myself trouble.

walking out the elevator. "Thanks, Jin" She smiled dazzlingly.

Thank me? I don't know why she would thank you. "then, goodnight."

"goodnight"

I watched her walking slowing to her doors, and then suddenly stopped.

Her skinny figure stopped for several seconds, as if making some decision. then she turned around, using those clear eyes, staring at me, raising the corner of her mouth as if making a challenge, "Jin, Can I stay at your place tonight?"

I didn’t know why there are the elements of "challenge" in her eyes, and was kinda startled.

I thought she'd be different from other girls, but I was wrong, girls are just girls. smirked, "sure"

Toward girls, I always accept all.

I can't remember how many girls I've slept with, but Itsuki's definitely not the first one, neither would she be the last one.

Sometimes I would feel, it's not like I want to make love with them, it's just that deep in the night, I would fear the loneliness. If there's a girl lying beside me, feeling her warmth and heart beat, then I can go asleep soundly.

Maybe I should get married, but I can't love a person, and so I don’t want to use a loveless marriage to restrain myself. I love only their bodies, not heart.

And so, continuing to live my debauched life...

"If I died, would you cry?"

"no."

Then, Itsuki raised her angelic smile, "Jin, you are so cold blooded."

If in the daytime Itsuki's like an angel, then when surrounded by dark she's more like a mysterious elf. Her smile, suddenly gives me a feeling of uneasiness.

I don’t think there'll be any girl stupid enough to die just to have me cry. So I didn’t pay attention to what she said. Plus, this is the truth.

Later Itsuki hid her face in the dark, not talking again. Her skin, also has a fragrance of light perfume, I hugged around her soft body. Her breath became more and more calm, probably asleep.

I watched the mottled shadows on the wall; my clear mind began to go blurry.

....To be Continued....

Part V

.....As if....I came to a huge garden full of the smell of that perfume.

Large patches of purple seas of flower, you can't even see the end, a strong fragrance that would make one go dizzy hangs in the air.

This is beautiful. But somehow I’m trying to leave this place, and no matter where I go it's the same, purple flowers everywhere, and nothing else, endless, as if there's not exit at all.

Then, I suddenly saw there's a girl in white in front of me, I walked towards her. Seeing her turning her head and smiled at me, a lonely and sad smile. It's Itsuki, I'm so happy I can find someone I know in this place.

But she waved her hands at me, wings grew out of her shoulders, flying towards the gray sky, and then vanished deep in the thick clouds.

"Itsuki!!"

I suddenly woke up.

Sunlight spilled over my bed through the window, warm and dazzling, glaring.

I discovered myself lying on the wide, soft bed alone, Istuki's not with me.

I'm used to waking up alone. Many girls like to leave quietly before I wake up, as if facing the morning with me is a confounded thing for them. Of course there is also stupid kind who wouldn't leave until I get mad and start yelling. Comparing the two, I like simplicity of the former.

But because of the dream I just had, facing this huge empty bed, there was a bit disappointment in my heart, this never happened before.

I was still wearing pajamas, walking in slippers, still feeling sleepy I opened the bedroom door, what I saw made me wonder if I'm still in the dream.

The whole living room has been organized into details, w/o a single trace of dirt.

Under the sunlight there was a clean table cloths on, and breakfast has been served: milk, ham, bread.

My music player's playing Utada Hikari's music, the soft voice, filled the whole room.

Itsuki has the apron on, walking out the kitchen with a plate of omelettes, looking like a perfect cute housewife.

"ah, you are awake, morning~" She smiled at me.

Seeing me staring at her strangely, she lowered her head embarrassingly, "go wash and dress first, breakfast will be fully ready in a minute."

I finally felt the reality, "morning, my Shell-Girl*.”

"eh?" she looked at me with a surprise.

then we both laughed.

....To be Continued.......
footnote: Shell-Girl<--my translation....Tian Luo Gu Niang, old Chinese folk tale, a girl showing up in the morning at helped a farmer to prepare things. magically. or something like that.

=D..............just one more part to go....

If I died, would you cry?

Original story by: ¹âÊøÒ»
Edit and Translation: Xellsama

Part VI

Remember reading this from a book once, "Rather than being the beginning of the day, breakfast is a day's end, an end for those who spend the night together. After that, a new day begins."

According to this, even though I’ve spent the night with many girls, but today is the first time to have an "end".

First time eating breakfast with a girl. I felt so comfortable that it's not even normal, but still I like this feeling.

Itsuki sat in front of me, her fair skin seems transparent in the morning sun, her curly hair and eye lashes seemed gold. Her shoulders are peaky, showing her clavicles. As if trying to remember this scarce chance, I looked at her for a long time.
"Jin?"
"hm?"
"why staring at me like that, the breakfast is getting cold." she smiled.
"they are all so delicate, I want to keep them..."
"nonsense again."
This time I was talking about the truth also. If I'm going to get married one day, I want to have a girl like Itsuki. This thought came into my mind, scared me a little.
"Jin, want to hear a story?" her black eyes glittering.
"sure, go ahead"
"once upon a time, an angel fell in love with a human. She begged God to fulfill her love. Finally God was touched by her sincerity, agrees to give her seven days to win the love of this mortal man. If in this seven days, he falls in love with her, then they can live happily ever after. But if he doesn’t fall in love with her, then after seven days she'll be gone forever. Facing these rigorous terms, she still chose to try it for him."
At this point, she stopped, I looked up. She's just looking at me, with an intricate expression.
"and then?"
"then, today, is already the seventh day..."she smiled lightly, lonely...
The seventh day? I think today is the seventh day I met Itsuki, as I thought this; I started laughing, "haha, you are not telling me, that angel is you?"
She seemed to be laughing yet not, looking up at me, "what do you think?"
"hehe, sorry, I don’t believe angels." there was some element of mocking in my tone, if I believe her story, then I must be an idiot.
She suddenly started laughing too, her eyes be came two pretty arc, "haha, I don’t believe it neither."
"Jin, you are very unique."
"unique? I don’t think so."
"if I tell this story to ten men, nine of them would probably be touched, and you are that only one."
"that's because my heart is dead," I said it breezily, as if it has nothing to do with me.
She then tried to say something, but only sighed lightly.
Then it was a long silence, only having Hikaru's song to fill this blankness.
Between us, there seem to be allot of silences like this, we are used to it.
Don’t know why, eating breakfast with Itsuki like this, my heart was calm; the devil in my heart seemed to be asleep at the moment.

"Jin, wait for me in the car, I’ll go buy a magazine." Itsuki pointed across the road, a bookstore.
"nn, ok"
She was about to open the door, suddenly turning back, "Jin..."
"?"
She hesitated for a moment, smiled with complicated meanings, shaked her head, "never mind, thank you."
???I don’t know what she wanted to say, of course, because I don’t know her much. From the beginning till now, always like this.
Watching her white figure walking toward the bookstore, I leaned back on the chair, feeling tired.
Accompanied Itsuki for the whole day, shopping, dining, watching movies, doing what normal lovers do, this is my thanks to her breakfast. But I'm doubting if I did this wrong, after all I still can't have a normal life, still can't love seriously.
This GAME should no longer continue, I'm, tired.
The night creped in without anyone's notice, people walking in a hurry, the neon lights by the street started flashing. The night lights, red, green, the air is filled with ambiguous scent, stimulating me. The devil in my heart began to awaken again.
Reaching for the cigarette in my pocket, felt the cell phone that had been turned off for the whole day. Light the cigarette; turn on the cell phone, as expected, a whole bunch of text message...
Don't know when but the streets are getting crowded, as if something has happened. I never cared about these things anyway, but that girl sure is taking a long time buying that magazine...
Nicotine's smell is surrounding me; I read through all the message half heartedly. most of them from girls, some even basting about why not returning their text message, why turning off the phone. Sure, next time I’ll just find the one who sounded most fierce for some fun, I mocked.
suddenly one message caught my eyes, "if I died, you still wont cry right?...bye, Jin"
Itsuki!? my heart jumped in a sudden, looking up to the bookstore. Many people gathered there, but I can't find that familiar white figure.
Then, the sirens of police cars and ambulance came from afar, my heart began to sank, im...impossible?
I got off the care instantly, jostling through the crowd, then--

I saw a red and white flower, opening in the middle of the road.

The red is bright like blood, the white is clear as snow, glaring, made me felt a bit of dizziness.
good...good...thank god...not Itsuki, NOT ITSUKI, ...that's good...
strange sound starting playing in my brain, can't even hear the crowd anymore; my sight is focused on that red and white, as if I can see nothing else.
I left that place, losing my mid.
strange, how can there be this kind of red and white flower? so eerie, so beautiful.
Those people were strange too, just a special flower, why so excited?

then, where's Itsuki?
My brain, doesn’t seem to be functioning anymore.
The sky, begins to snow.
Is it snow? or is it the white feathers of angel?

Itsuki, never came back.
Back to the apartment, I went knocking on Itsuki's door, but no answer.
So I went downstairs to ask the manager, "my neighbor, the girl in 1001, has she come back?"
The manager stared at me strangely, "you feeling ok? there's no one living there!"
"......" true, I’ve never seen Itsuki go in or out of that room.

After that, I've never seen Itsuki again.
I always felt, that it was right for her to leave me. She must be able to find a man better than me, and I can't give her the eudemonia she wanted.

Life is still continuing.
If I have to say what changed in my life after Itsuki left--
I moved, maybe just to avoid some annoying women;
I began to like Utada Hikaru's songs, went and bought all her albums and singles, listening to them over and over again;
I would drive by myself for two hours, to see the ocean on the beach;
........
But I’m still me, not shedding any tears for anyone.
Including you, Itsuki.
and so, you must live happily. At someplace, unknown to me.

------------THE END--------------